You will notice that “you should” on yourself often. You will say things like “I should exercise.” “I should quit smoking.” “I should be nicer.” “I should spend more time with my kids.” You’ll notice that every time you think you should do something, you actually feel bad and you’re reluctant. If you say “I should exercise,” you’ll notice you feel bad and stupid. It’s almost like saying “Here I am, another example of a defective person because if I were smart, I would have already been exercising.”
You’ll notice “the should” actually de-motivates you rather than gets results.
So what do you do instead? You change the word “should” to the word “want” or “will.” So instead of saying “I should exercise” say “I want to exercise.” or “I will exercise.”
When you replace the word “should” with the word “want” or “will” you’re going to get better results.
Have you ever noticed that sometimes you meet someone and you get along with them easily? Yet other times you meet someone and it seems to be uphill all the time. You have to do lots of “maintenance” and getting along with them seems like a chore. There are even times when you know someone for a long time and it is still always difficult to get along with them. Why? Because the people with whom you get along well are people who are wired like you, and the people with whom you have difficulty are wired differently.
Suppose you could understand more up front how people are wired and you could adjust your presentation and approach accordingly? Getting along with people successfully is kind of like gaining “Access” to them. When you understand their “Access Codes,” you can then inter-relate easily.
There are 10 Access Codes to consider when you approach people. This information is available in my CD entitled “Communicating with Access Codes” and I encourage you to get it and practice the skills.
Here are the codes:
1. Optimism/Pessimism
2. Going Toward/ Going Away
3. Strategic / Tactical
4. Feelings / Facts
5. People/Data/ Things
6. Audio/Visual/Kinesthetic
7. Self/Others
8. Process/Results
9. Direct/Warm-Up
10. Appointments/Anytime
When you understand these codes and know how to use them, you will gain “ACCESS” much faster and get what you want.
Cheers,
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
www.jmperry.com
